A Day in the Life of an Elderly Lady
Ruby Regina Witcraft
Any day that you wake up is a good day, and most of mine are. There is no pain, and I think it is due to swimming laps which probably breaks up the calcification in the joints, not allowing it to irritate the nerves. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
However, you usually wake up to a brand new something or other that occurred during the eight hours that you were peacefully sleeping. You wonder what the heck went on during those nightly hours. One of the most startling was that I could no longer write my name in cursive and probably need that simple task for check writing. Being of a simple but positive mind, I wondered what could be done to rehab my brain into producing this task. Reading, which I love, was not the answer, so movement was necessary. Don’t like 500-piece puzzles but found the perfect solution on, what else? The computer! Now, due to daily effort, I have a better cursive signature than I ever had before!
Speaking of reading, which is my favorite daily privilege, especially since the little Cottonwood Library keeps me well supplied with three books a week. Some of the lenders turn in pristine books that are just on the market, but there are the other kind which I won’t name. A fairly recent donation that I picked up had a complete finger-smeared meal on practically every page. For example, a chapter of Cheetos, another of pizza, one with something chocolatey. This went on for the whole book along with a dousing of Shalimar perfume. I can only hope that this poor lady doesn’t read a lot for fear that she will soon weigh a ton. Besides, it made me very hungry. Think I’ll eat a cookie.
Signs Along the Road
Lee Murray
Years before the interstate highway system was built across the continental U.S., automobile travel was limited to a number of two-lane roads throughout each of the states. Those were the days before super highways became the mode of transportation, when getting from point A to point B meant driving past Iowa cornfields with the windows rolled down and watching cattle graze on country farms.
In an effort to boost lagging sales, a marketing team of a company called Burma Vita came up with an idea in 1925 that ultimately made its product Burma-Shave the second highest selling brushless shaving cream in the country. The idea was to post humorous signs along the side of mostly rural roads built throughout the U.S. The signs were installed sequentially about 100 feet apart, usually five in number, so as to be easily read by passing motorists and families on road trips to various destinations. All of the sequences finished with the name Burma-Shave on the last sign.
Here are some examples:
• Does your husband/Misbehave/Grunt and grumble/Rant and rave/Shoot the brute some/Burma-Shave
• No lady likes/to snuggle or dine/accompanied by a porcupine/Burma-Shave
• His style was smooth/his chin was not/He’s the guy/the gals forgot/Burma-Shave
• Drinking drivers/enhance their chance/to highball home/in an ambulance/Burma-Shave
• I use it too/the bald man said/it keeps my face/just like my head/Burma-Shave
• Hinky dinky/Parley Voo/cheer up the face/the war is through/Burma-Shave
The signs turned out to be immensely popular with families who looked forward to them enroute to family reunions or to visit Uncle Albert and Aunt Florence at their farm in Minnesota.
Some of the signs contained safety messages along with the humor:
• Train approaching/Whistle squealing/Stop/Avoid that run-down feeling/Burma-Shave
• Keep well/To the right/Of the oncoming car/Get your close shaves/From the half-pound jar/Burma-Shave
• Hardly a driver/Is now alive/Who passed/On hills/At 75/Burma-Shave
• Don’t take/a curve/at 60 per/We hate to lose/a customer/Burma-Shave
• A man, a miss/A car, a curve/He kissed the miss/and missed the curve/Burma-Shave
All good things eventually do come to an end, and the same was true with Burma-Shave signs. With the advent of the interstate highway system built during the 1950s, the signs were no longer practical or easy to read at increased rates of speed. Without their signature postings, sales of Burma-Shave began to decline. Finally, the company was sold to Philip Morris in 1963.
Here are two signs rolled out during the final year:
Don’t’ lose your head/to gain a minute/you need your head/your brains are in it/Burma-Shave
Our fortune/Is your/Shaven face/It’s our best/Advertising space/Burma-Shave
Pictures on the Wall
Dorothy Long
Pictures on the wall tell a story. Visiting Grandma’s house as a child, I was fascinated by the pictures that hung on the walls. There was Grandpa and Grandma on their wedding day. Such a young couple with a long road ahead of them.
There were pictures of their children. So hard to imagine Aunt Merle and Uncle Ralph ever being that young. Then came extended families, new babies, and grandbabies. My baby picture, graduation, and wedding photo were added to the collection. Grandma was so proud of all of us. She displayed pictures of those who served our country. They looked so dashing in uniform. All came home, knowing Grandma prayed for their safety every night.
My other grandmother also had pictures on the wall. A large picture of the Statue of Liberty hung over the living room sofa. I assume Grandad’s family purchased it when they arrived in America from Scotland. Another, a real keepsake that came with them from Scotland, was a needlepoint done by a great-great uncle. The uncle served in the Scottish Navy, and long trips to sea gave them time to create. It was a Scotsman doing the Highland Fling and in the background was his house and dog. Grandma knew I loved the needlepoint, and it was left to me, now displayed on my wall.
Following walls throughout the house is a walk down memory lane. It holds memories, history, and the key to the Family Tree. Oh, those pictures on the wall in Grandma’s house.