A Different Kind of April Fools’ Day

Barb Schwartz

In the world that we live in today, I look forward to seeing any and all April Fools’ jokes, pranks, and stories.

Instead of seeing and hearing about all ages of people disappearing, being abducted, or being murdered, I want to see every elementary school teacher show up on April Fools’ Day with different socks, different shoes, maybe pajamas, maybe one ponytail and one braid … anything totally crazy and amusing! This isn’t meant for women teachers; men could forgo the formality of suits and ties and show up to work in sweatshirts and jeans … for your psyche as well as mine!

Instead of reading or seeing or hearing about more division in our country, show me students coming to school with jokes and pranks to play on their classmates. Nothing as nearly awful as bullying, but a good old-fashioned trick will work wonders.

Being funny doesn’t cost a lot of money; it’s not like blowout birthday parties or expensive holiday gifts. It does take a bit of imagination and preparation—something that a lot of parents sadly don’t have time for these days.

I say, make the time to laugh at yourselves; sit back and have a good belly laugh-it will work wonders.

It Started with a Saucepan

Carrie Bonello

In the beginning it was just about a little saucepan. You know the small ones are just the right size for a can of soup. One day I came across what looked like a great saucepan in Big Lots. It was the right size, non-stick, and it was cheap. When I tried to use it the darn thing wouldn’t sit still. Apparently the handle was heavier than the pan so it just tipped over. You can imagine holding the pan upright with one hand and trying to open the can of soup with the other. I actually used this pan for a couple of years, I did complain a lot but hey, it was the right sized saucepan.

Then one day I stumbled on the perfect sauce pan at Home Goods. We know Home Goods is a step up from Big Lots so maybe this saucepan is the one. I brought it home and lovingly made soup for lunch, dumping with one hand the stirring with the other. The pan just sat there like a good saucepan should. I loved this little saucepan.

I’m old school, I use small saucepans often, I usually take out a pan before I think to put something in the microwave. Trying to carry a steaming bowl of soup to the table when it is fresh out of the microwave, seems like a recipe for disaster. My new little pan was such a success I decided to go back and buy another one.

Sure enough when I arrived at Home Goods they had my Green pan’s twin just sitting there waiting for me. On closer inspection I found several other nice Green pans. I came home with a skillet-type pan with deep sides that is perfect for making paella, if I could make paella that is, otherwise it is just a great pan.

Since hubby is the chief dishwasher of pots and pans his opinion of the pans is important. He gave them a hearty thumbs up. These pans are making life a bit easier. So he suggested replacing our 15-year-old skillets with some of these Green skillets. In the next week Amazon delivered a set of three skillets. Wow, these are great skillets, they should have come with a chef hat!

I have friends who swear by their air fryers. I thought a new air fryer might rev up our dinner choices. When they were on sale at Target I ran over to get one. The air fryer comes with a laminated sheet with lists of veggies, meats, and assorted other stuff to air fry, bake, or broil. I had the misconception that everything would be quicker in this air fryer, but that just isn’t so. There is the preheat stage, the heated stage, then turn over the food stage, then the heat again stage, and finally the timer goes off and you have ONE thing prepared for dinner. Not a meal but just a pork chop.

While at Target I saw a small crockpot. We have a crock, bought on impulse years ago, and it is much too big for our family of two. So for $19 we have a new perfect-sized crockpot. This small one works the same as the larger one but it isn’t as heavy to get it out of the storage space and it is much easier to clean up.

While looking at the air fryer and crockpot I saw a lot of nice toasters. Okay I didn’t buy one, I mean really this is nuts. But the next time we were at Costco Monty suggested we look for a toaster, after all we have new pots, skillets, air fryer, and crockpot. If we get a new toaster it is almost like being a new bride.

We are now the proud owners of a Cuisinart toaster. It is much better than the $10 Big Lots toaster we’ve had for seven years.

I don’t know how a saucepan escalated into an entire kitchen but I’m glad it did.

April Fools’

Ernest D’Godor

It was about five decades ago, that would be three score and some years, that I had the time of my life. I was in elementary school then. And in those days we had to walk to school seven miles one way, in the snow. It was considerably shorter on the way home. Amazing what kids will do to prolong the event of stepping over the threshold of the school building.

It was a bright day, even for winter. The sun beat down on the shoveled sidewalks. I was making a beeline straight for school. I had a box in my hand and a big smile on my face. I didn’t pay any never mind to the kids on my street. We usually walked to school together, but today I knew they would catch up. I wanted to show off my surprise with the most number of kids—that would be the playground just before the doors opened. So, I was hurrying right along.

“Look what I found,” I called in a loud voice as I entered the schoolyard. “You heard about the accident up the street, didn’t you?”

The kids were gathering around as I held out my box. It was a small jewelry box, gold papered. It fit in the palm of my hand.

“Well, I was just going by as they were cleaning up. There was a lot of blood in the street. And the cars were good and smashed up. It was very cool.” The kids were about three layers thick now, all nodding their heads. The little ones in the back were craning their necks and trying to elbow their way into the crowd.

“There on the sidewalk was this! I picked it up and put it in this box. Wanna see it?” The boys were all nodding vigorously now, while the girls were starting to pull back.

“What is it?” cried a boy from the back.

“I’ll show ya,” I said and put my hand on the top of the box and proceeded to lift the lid slowly, all eyes on the box. I pulled the cover off. There, nestled among the cotton balls, was a severed finger. The girls started pulling back in unison, eyes rolled to the sky, hands covering their mouths. I was watching to see if any of them would actually hurl, but not yet. The boys were crowding in to get a better look. And then I made the finger move. The shrieks were audible on the third floor of the school, and I saw a few teachers looking out. I quickly put the lid back on. But not before my best friend George got a good look.

“Aw, it’s just his own finger with lipstick on the bottom.” He sounded sorely disappointed. I laughed.

“April Fools’!” I shouted and raced into the building as the doors opened.