Writers’ Group

Should You Fib or Just Keep it to Yourself?

Lee Murray

The answer to that question lies in the eyes of the beholder and who is the teller of the untruth versus the recipient.

One of the most common fibs told by husbands everywhere in response to their wives who present in new clothing they purchased that day at the department store and ask, “Henry, does this outfit make me look fat?”

Now, any husband with an ounce of brains will of course tell his wife that she looks fantastic. That may or may not be true but whether it is or isn’t, he’ll tell his wife she looks great unless he wants to get a) the silent treatment, b) banishment to the couch or c) both a and b.

Maybe you are less than thrilled with the planned visit by your in-laws. Nice enough people but having a conversation with your father-in-law is like talking to a mummy. Do you tell your wife that you’re dreading the week while her parents are here? Chances are you’ll just take one for the team.

Or maybe your wife has been toiling away all day trying to make your favorite meal. There’s only one little problem. It just didn’t come out right and it doesn’t taste very good. Is this the time for complete honesty? Of course, you’ll say it’s terrific!

Wives are not above telling their husbands little fibs either like, “Henry you’re as handsome and virile as the day I met you,” says she to her husband of 40 years who has seen her spouse go from six pack abs to six pack beer belly. Throw in a five strand combover along with the ravages of age, even the husband knows he’s being conned but he feels better hearing it.

Or maybe your husband just loves to spend the day in a hideous velour pullover with a ‘60s era pair of checkered pants. You’d love to tell him how awful the outfit looks but you know he loves it so you just keep it to yourself.

Another fib wives like to tell, especially when they’re trying to avoid a conflict when they get home from a shopping trip is to say: “Look at this beautiful dress I got on sale Henry. It was 50% off.” What she neglects to say is the original price of the dress was way too expensive to begin with so even at half off it was still exorbitantly priced. Of course, this type of strategy doesn’t really prevent an argument. It just kicks the can down the road until the credit card statement shows up.

Some people are just naturally blunter than others and they value complete honesty even at the risk of putting off their spouses rather than dancing around the flame. Others are more amiable and will do their best to avoid a confrontation with their husbands or wives.

There’s an argument to be made for both types of spouses. With the blunt spouse, you always know where they stand even if their honesty can be like a pie in the face. The amiable spouse will do his or her best not to offend you so they tend to tell you what you want to hear. While this approach feels good, it also makes you wonder if you’re hearing the unvarnished truth or a bunch of baloney.

Welcome to married life! Always a mystery.

The Human Mind

George Stahl

Consider this as an exercise in the inner workings of the human mind. We are taught to read and write by putting letters from the alphabet together in a certain sequence to form words. Interestingly enough, our brain does not read the individual letters, but rather the word as a whole. It sort of takes a picture of the word, then processes it to understand it and to put the idea of the sentence together, all in a matter of whatever less than a second is. In other words, the aragngemt of the letters relaly doesn’t matter as lnog as the fisrt and lsat letters are in the usaul plcaes.

So, in the interest of a scientific endeavor taht acutally isn’t taht scineitifc, let’s give it a try. We’ll strat simiple. Something to do with the Foruth of July. It was 247 yeras ago yestready that 51 men gatahard in a hall in Phildilpiha and decalerd taht we were a free nation even if taht menat war with Englnad. It’s no secert who won taht war. For the lognest time, the victroy was celebarted with cannos benig fierd, and fier wroks blsaitng in the air. Memroial Serives were and still are today held across the contury for tohse who gave thier lives to craete waht we hvae toady.

So, befroe you hvae yuor frist hot dog, or as you go to a Fuorth of July sale at yuor favroite stroe, tkae a mintue to thnik of thsoe indvidiauls who foguht for the fredeom of a natoin tehn and for the fututre.

Well, that’s it. How did you do? It probably wasn’t too difficult for you, and with that being said, remember how nervous you would get back in elementary school each week, dreading the spelling test you were going to have without fail? What was that all about?

Thank you for participating in this exercise, and have a safe and happy rest of the summer.

Driving Pranksters Crazy

Kris Szlauko

Twelve year olds, Carrie and Sherrie were neighbors and best friends. It was no secret that these two girls, when together, were known to pull hilarious pranks on any unsuspecting mark. The girls had been blamed for more pranks than they ever did.

No one was immune to their jests. The mailman received a mail box of blown up balloons and their teacher found her desk drawer full of popcorn. She had to separate the girls in class and suggested they join the drama club to keep their imaginations entertained.

The bus driver had had enough of their distracting pranks. They were eventually banned from the bus. Sherrie’s mom became the bus driver every morning and Carrie’s mom drove the evening shift.

One evening the girls were unusually quiet in the back seat, except for a little bit of giggling so Carrie’s mom knew something was up.

Every time she approached a stop sign she could hear deep sighs from the girls in the back seat. She watched in her rear view mirror as the girls slowly opened the rear window on the driver’s side. The girls kept looking up and out the window and ducking back down deep into the seat.

Finally she pulled up to a stop light and a car approached to her left and stopped as well. One of the girls popped her head up and cried out as loud as she could OOOH HOOONEY! to the unsuspecting driver to their left.

Carrie’s mom didn’t let her daughter get the last laugh.

As the driver turned his head to see who called out to him, she tossed her hair back, smiled a long sexy smile, and then blew him a kiss as she drove off at the change of the light.

The girls were so embarrassed by Carrie’s mom’s response to their prank that they rode the next two blocks laying down on the seat.

Carrie’s mom smiled all the way home as the two girls sat like model young ladies and said nothing.