Did you get the mail today?

Barbara Schwartz

Did you take the walk to your mail box today?

I did. But maybe I would have been better if I hadn’t. I got an ad from a dentist in the area.

I got propaganda from a realtor.

I got shoppers for all the grocery stores.

I got an invitation from a retirement specialist to listen to a seminar at a local restaurant.

I got a 20% coupon for Bed Bath & Beyond. I got a shopper from Costco.

Get the picture? I got nothing in the mail except for what is commonly referred to as “junk mail.” The kind of mail that some company put a lot of money into and hopes to get a monetary return for their effort.

The media reigns supreme. Every company has a marketing department with graduates of XYZ University who majored in public relations, marketing, or communications. These people know exactly how to market said products. Nothing is safe from these ubiquitous marketers. They invade our homes, our computers, our phones, and our lives.

We can ignore our phones ringing incessantly but it is SO annoying to do so. We can block calls; we can scream and yell at the robots. We might get some feeling of success but, obviously, they don’t care.

We can throw all of our unwanted mail into the trash. But, as we do so, who among us hasn’t secretly wished for the postal budget of the company we have just destroyed?

So now, I ask you a very serious question: WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT? There is this little thing called “Freedom of Speech” that I assume comes into play here. Who is to prevent a company from trying to make money? But, on the other hand, who is willing to give up their sense of privacy to allow this to continue?

There has to be an answer somewhere. It will probably kill all of us if we don’t stop this barrage of unsolicited information.

AARP Romance

Ruby Regina Witcraft

They met, alone, in the darkened kitchen of their home while soft jazz was playing in the other room. Passion has no meeting place boundaries as their eyes met. She had visions of him sweeping the bowl off of the dining room table and laying her gently down on the cool glass tabletop as they do in the movies. There was no mistaking the message in their eyes.

He took her in his strong, sinewy arms, gave her a longing look, a strong hug then tipped her head up with his finger tips and lovingly kissed her full on the lips. She sighed deeply, more like a moan of ecstasy, and returned the kiss that only the full pleasure of love can experience. There was no holding back now as his hands caressed her back. No novel could have described the depth of this moment in time. She was Ingrid Bergman and he was Humphry Bogart in Casablanca.

She murmured, “Lower and a little more to the left.” He whispered, “Right down the middle.” The moaning could have been heard in the next county. It was the dry skin season in Arizona and if you listened closely you could hear your skin crinkling. After a few minutes of massaging and scratching their passion was spent and they were breathless.

I believe in finding passion in everything you do and when you find it, give it all you’ve got.

Love finds satisfaction in the simplest of pleasures, in the strangest places, with AARP lovers. No one massages her back now but a door corner works pretty well in his place.

You might want to rethink that turkey thing

George Stahl

BREAKING NEWS!

All across America, turkey farmers have been reporting unusual behavior exhibited by their fowl livestock. “I can’t explain it,” said Iowa turkey wrangler, Emit Smith. “For over a week now the birds on my farm have refused to eat. I tried everything short of hand feeding them. I changed their feed, and have added supplements to their meals, but they just ignore it,” Smith said. On average, the turkeys on his farm have lost between five and eight pounds. “If I can’t get them to put on weight, I won’t be able to sell them this year. They’re not large enough for a Thanksgiving meal,” he lamented. That report came six weeks ago, and the situation has been escalating ever since.

“The phenomena seems almost organized,” said a USDA spokesman. The turkeys of America are protesting the holiday. In some states, the traditional birds are even forming groups and barricading themselves into their pens. Others have taken to the streets in larger numbers, protesting outside of supermarkets, carrying signs that read, ‘Turkey Lives Matter!’ or ‘Stuff This!’ and ‘Happy Thanksgiving is a Lie!’

The incident that turned the holiday on its ear supposedly started at a small turkey ranch in Tennessee several months ago. It wasn’t reported because it’s happening was dismissed as something from the X-Files. A young farmer was feeding his flock of white turkeys when he selected one to be slaughtered. He took it to the chopping block, raised his axe and the turkey looked up at him and yelled, “No!” The man stumbled back in amazement and the axe fell to the ground. At first, he attributed the bird talking to the moonshine he had drank the night before, but then it spoke again. “No more turkeys!”

This started what is being called the Great Turkey Uprising of Tennessee. The event has spread rapidly and more and more of the birds are articulating their rebellion. The Tennessee Turkey has become the spokes-bird for the group. “We know the truth. We know that the Pilgrims didn’t have turkey as their main course as you have led your children to believe! We are demanding that this stop now, in 2019. We have even petitioned President Donald Trump to end the slaughter of innocent turkeys and to declare Thanksgiving a vegan holiday!” the huge Tom said in an interview with Field and Stream.

In 1692, when the Pilgrims and the Indians met over a meal of thanks, they served many vegetables and fish dishes. “We are not denying that a turkey wasn’t present on the table, but we are simply asking that we not be considered the main course, or even a necessary course. Duck and goose, even deer were a part of that meal. You don’t see grocery stores having specials on them for the celebration! You can’t go into a butcher and order a ‘Fresh stag’ for Thanksgiving!” the turkey said.

A petition has been drafted by the Turkeys for American Turkeys (TAT) and is being circulated throughout the country, asking congress to proclaim Thanksgiving a turkey-free holiday. “With all that is happening to President Trump lately, we doubt he’ll take our plea seriously. It doesn’t exactly carry more weight than an impeachment, does it? So we decided to help stack our deck,” the Tennessee Tom said. “We’re about 23,999 signatures short of the 24,000 we need to present the bill to Washington. Millions of our fellow turkeys will lose their lives this year, won’t you please help us in our fight to save as many turkeys as we possibly can?” the Tom lamented.

Thanksgiving Day is November 28. Probably not enough time to get the signatures they need for this year, but as long as the Talking Tennessee Tom doesn’t find his way to a kitchen table, there’s always 2020. Only in America!